Water, Water Everywhere, and Every Drop Blessed
I'm sorry to be running you around like this, but nobody's perfect except me, so what the hell. I have a few (but just a few) Dung Beetle Saddles for sale. Send in the measurements of your beetle and I will see what I can do.
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Listen. It's quite possible that Ol' Hoss is onto something that might make him some money. As is well-known, Hoss needs to to Make My Pile before he turns tits up because he wants a pretty fancy funeral. And fancy requires lots of do-re-me.
Here's the skinny: Catholics gotta have their holy water, right? I mean, they need it for baptisms and other sacraments of the church. And the only way the water gets to be holy is if some priest blesses it. Some mumbo-jumbo is involved, but it takes at least 5 minutes and whatta they got when they're done? A couple quarts of holy water? And then if it needs some salt, which a lot of holy water apparently does because Jesus called The Apostles "The salt of the earth," then there's some more mumbo-jumbo right there.
Well, Ol' Hoss has figured out how to get it wholesale. See, the plan is I will get a priest to bless the Dead Sea, which you can see is plenty salty already. So just one round of mumbo-jumbo will do for all the water there. And then Hoss can truck it out through Bethlehem (for added flavor) and ship it off to the U.S. of A. for distribution to priests throughout the country.
These here priests will be thanking me mightily for saving them that 5 minutes of prayin' and carryin' on every few days, and will be letting me dip into the collection plates from time to time. The neat thing is this will be non-taxable income, as it has been given in the service of the Lord.
I will need to find out if I have to pay workers' comp.
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My favorite word today is wahoo hah-hah. N., boorrriiinng. Def.: The forced laughter you emit following your boss's 14th straight joke about blondes who happen to be polacks.
+ + + + + + + +
Listen. It's quite possible that Ol' Hoss is onto something that might make him some money. As is well-known, Hoss needs to to Make My Pile before he turns tits up because he wants a pretty fancy funeral. And fancy requires lots of do-re-me.
Here's the skinny: Catholics gotta have their holy water, right? I mean, they need it for baptisms and other sacraments of the church. And the only way the water gets to be holy is if some priest blesses it. Some mumbo-jumbo is involved, but it takes at least 5 minutes and whatta they got when they're done? A couple quarts of holy water? And then if it needs some salt, which a lot of holy water apparently does because Jesus called The Apostles "The salt of the earth," then there's some more mumbo-jumbo right there.
Well, Ol' Hoss has figured out how to get it wholesale. See, the plan is I will get a priest to bless the Dead Sea, which you can see is plenty salty already. So just one round of mumbo-jumbo will do for all the water there. And then Hoss can truck it out through Bethlehem (for added flavor) and ship it off to the U.S. of A. for distribution to priests throughout the country.
These here priests will be thanking me mightily for saving them that 5 minutes of prayin' and carryin' on every few days, and will be letting me dip into the collection plates from time to time. The neat thing is this will be non-taxable income, as it has been given in the service of the Lord.
I will need to find out if I have to pay workers' comp.
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My favorite word today is wahoo hah-hah. N., boorrriiinng. Def.: The forced laughter you emit following your boss's 14th straight joke about blondes who happen to be polacks.
posted by OldHorsetailSnake | 4:54 PM
16 Comments:
Wow...I'm first all over the place today! Do I get some prize for that?? I'm surfing when I should be working...but I just had to come visit ya! I need your posts to get me going in the morning!!
HA! Great post as always Hoss honey.
You just never stop amazing me at your ideas, and making me laugh so much. Love it!!
*HUGS*
Another blog?? You're everywhere! I think this is the best idea so far to Make Your Pile. I want to get invited to that fancy schmancy funeral that you're gonna have!
Yes, wahoo hah-hah is pretty much the sound everybody made around my previous boss. Ugh.
I suggest holy ice cubes... that way I can sin by drinking scotch, but it'll be okay because there's a constant, slow release of holy water as well. Good idea? Bad?
You're always thinking. I like that. I should try it sometime.
Thanks for stopping by my b**g. It made my day. Come back again, anytime.
wa-hoo hah-hah yourself, Hoss. Did you get thrown out of the Bridge Club? Just means more good news for us, I guess.
You can send me some- or I'll buy it. My mother (the ex-nun) may need it ;-)
My beetle is kinda small. About half an inch long by a quarter inch wide. Six legs, each about one sixteenth of an inch long. He won't let me measure his girth. Got anything to fit him? How 'bout shoes? I was thinkin' he could use shoes. With lifts. I think he feels a little inferior, bein' so short and all.
The water's a good idea. You could short-cut the whole thing by buying a lot of salt cheap. Then tell folks that it's dehydrated salt water. They just add tap water, and viola, rehydrated holy-salt-water. People are dumb. Priests blessing water proves that. It could work.
Hail Hossie, full of crap ;)
I'm screwed...I'm blonde, a polack AND Catholic!!! Damn!
Don't you just HATE fake laughter? It really sucks if you're the receiver.
Wahoo hah-hah!!!!!!!!!!!
Just kidding. Listening to Hoss figure out how to make his pile is NEVER boring.
I believe you are about to be silenced by someone in Rome. You don't want to put anyone out of a job, do you?
Or is that why you're hiding over here?
Maybe you are just trying to see how far we'd go to read Ol' Hoss.
I don't think Sister Mary Altar-Rail will like this idea, but I'll put in a good word for you, ok.
I'm in good standing with a bunch of LaSallians.
I don't know if that's good or bad, though.
well LOL.
I'd love a dung beetle saddle - my dung bug (named for the fact he just keeps rolling up with the same ol' merde (pardon my french) could use a ride.
thanks for visiting my blog,
michelle's may be small, but it has the whole universe in it :) d
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